Forgiving and Forgetting

By Todd Franzen

February 3, 2023

Answers, cancer survivor, Cancer Survivorship, Clean Slate, Emotional Well-being, Forgetting, Forgiving, Fresh Start, Grudges, Happiness, Healing, Mortality, Pain, Peace, Personal Growth, relationships, Resentment, Survivorship Care Plan, Trust, understanding

How Healing From Past Hurt Can Help You Move Forward

An impressionistic painting of forgiving and forgetting with the text Forgive The Action, Forget The Intent
Forgive the Action, Forget the Intent

The principle of “forgive the action, forget the intent” can be a powerful tool in releasing pain and resentment that may be harbored as a result of past hurt or betrayal. By focusing on forgiving the action and letting go of the intent, we can begin to heal and move forward in our relationships and in our own personal growth.

This can help us move forward and create more positive, meaningful relationships with others. Forgiving and forgetting can help us find closure and peace, even when we don’t understand the motivations behind someone’s actions. By letting go of the past, we can focus on the present and create more space for love, joy, and growth.

Overall, forgiving and forgetting can create a transformative experience to find a greater sense of peace, happiness, and well-being.

In this post, we will explore the idea of forgiving and forgetting. How it can help us heal from past hurt, and why this principle can be so powerful in our lives. We’ll also discuss the importance of understanding the motivations behind someone’s behavior. As well as tips and strategies for how to practice forgiveness and forgetting in our lives.

Here is a video I created talking more about this in-depth.

Forgive the action, Forget the Intent


Holding onto grudges can weigh heavily on our emotional and mental well-being, preventing us from fully living in the present and enjoying our lives.

When we hold grudges, it makes it harder for us to heal and move on from painful experiences. Grudges can make us feel weighed down emotionally and mentally. They stop us from living in the present and being happy.

The idea of forgiving someone’s action and forgetting their intent is helpful for letting go of hurt and resentment caused by past trauma or betrayal. By only focusing on forgiving the action, we can start healing ourselves and our relationships with others. This will help us grow as individuals.

But this is tough in practice

Getting out of this rut and forgiving the action but forgetting the intent can take time, effort, and practice.

One way to help us on this journey of healing is to acknowledge our feelings are hurt. We should not ignore or suppress these emotions, as this can be detrimental in the long run. Acknowledging how we feel allows us to release some of that built-up energy and start leading a more positive life.

It’s also important to have patience with ourselves and not be too hard on ourselves for holding onto grudges for so long. We should try to understand that it is natural to feel hurt and resentful after a betrayal, and we should take the time to process these emotions in order to truly forgive and move forward.

By embracing the idea of forgiving the action but forgetting the intent, we can learn to let go of our hurts and start leading a more positive life. This practice requires us to be patient with ourselves and with others, as well as understand that healing takes time. With patience, effort, and practice, we can learn to forgive and start living life with an open heart.

Facing Mortality:

Recognizing our own mortality can help us put things into perspective and prioritize what is truly important in our lives. Forgiving and forgetting can help us let go of the past and make peace with ourselves and others.

Facing our own mortality can be a difficult and overwhelming experience that can leave us feeling alone and uncertain. The realization that our time on this earth is limited can be scary, and it can force us to confront our own mortality and the transience of life.

This can bring up feelings of fear, anxiety, and a sense of isolation, as we contemplate the uncertain future and our place in the world. This type of introspection can be difficult, and it can be tempting to avoid thinking about it. However, facing our own mortality can also provide an opportunity for growth, reflection, and a deeper appreciation of life and our relationships with others.

An Opportunity… Please Explain.

One way a person can use the opportunity of facing their own mortality to better themselves is by reevaluating their priorities and values. They can ask themselves what truly matters to them, and make a concerted effort to focus on those things moving forward.

This could mean spending more time with loved ones, pursuing a passion or hobby, or giving back to their community. The realization that life is finite can also inspire a person to live more authentically and with purpose and to let go of grudges and resentment that may be holding them back.

By embracing the opportunity to grow and live a more fulfilling life, a person can find a greater sense of peace and happiness in the face of their own mortality.

Getting Answers:

Sometimes we may never fully understand the intent behind someone’s actions. However, forgiving them can help us find closure and peace without needing to understand their motivations.

It can be difficult to understand why someone would cause harm and emotional pain because people are complex and motivations for their actions can be multi-faceted. Sometimes the intentions behind someone’s actions may not be immediately clear, and other times, a person may have acted out of a place of pain, ignorance, or desperation.

Understanding the full context of a situation can be challenging, and even when we have a good understanding of someone’s motivations, it can still be difficult to reconcile with the harm they caused. This can lead to feelings of confusion, anger, and frustration, which can make it difficult to forgive and move forward.

It’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and has their own personal struggles, and that compassion and empathy can help us better understand and heal from any harm that has been inflicted.

Be prepared that an answer may never present itself!

It’s important to recognize that there may never be a clear answer as to why someone would cause harm and emotional pain. In some cases, the motivations behind someone’s actions may be complex, unclear, or may even be a mystery. It’s okay to not have all the answers, and sometimes accepting that there may never be a full explanation can be liberating.

Instead of focusing on finding answers, it can be helpful to focus on healing and moving forward. This can involve forgiving the person who caused harm and letting go of the need for a full understanding.

This was a huge step for me. As someone that is logical in thinking, being able to “let go” of trying to get answers was incredibly liberating.

By accepting that there may never be an answer, we can free ourselves from the burden of trying to understand something that may be impossible to comprehend. Focusing on our own emotional well-being and healing can help us find peace and move forward with greater clarity and purpose.

Rebuilding Trust and Relationships:

Forgiving and forgetting can be crucial steps in rebuilding trust and repairing relationships that have been damaged by our past. It allows for a fresh start and the opportunity to move forward with a clean slate.

Overall, the principle of “forgive the action, forget the intent” can be a difficult but transformative process that can help us release pain and resentment, and ultimately lead to greater peace, understanding, and happiness in our lives.

Rebuilding trust is important because it helps us start fresh and move on after someone has hurt us. When we forgive the action and forget the intent, it means that we don’t have to keep thinking about the past and focus on a better future. This way, we can be more understanding of others and create happier relationships for everyone.

To Sum It up

Forgiveness is a difficult but immensely beneficial step in the rebuilding process after someone has hurt us or been unkind. By embracing the idea of “forgive the action, forget the intent” we can let go of pain and resentment. This opens us up to find peace and understanding, and move forward with greater clarity.

This important practice often goes unrecognized during our healing journeys. So if you are struggling to forgive someone for their actions, remember that it’s okay not to have all the answers and focus on your own emotional well-being instead. With time and patience, you will be able to rebuild trust in yourself as well as others! -T

Click Here for more tips about survivorship.

FAQs To Help Motivate

Q: Why is forgiving and forgetting important for our emotional well-being?

A: Holding onto grudges and resentment can weigh heavily on our emotions and prevent us from fully enjoying life. By forgiving and forgetting, we can let go of the past and find peace, which allows us to live in the present and enjoy our relationships with others.

Q: What if I don’t fully understand the intent behind someone’s actions?

A: That’s okay! Sometimes we may never fully understand why someone did what they did. But by forgiving them, we can find closure and peace without needing to know the details.

Q: How can forgiving and forgetting help rebuild damaged relationships?

A: When we forgive and forget, we are giving ourselves and others a fresh start. It allows us to let go of the past and move forward with a clean slate. This can help rebuild trust and repair relationships that have been damaged.

Q: Is it possible to forgive but not forget?

A: It is possible, but the goal of forgiving and forgetting is to let go of pain and resentment caused by the situation. By forgetting, we can start anew without the burden of the past.

Q: What if I can’t forgive right away?

A: Forgiving can be a difficult and emotional process, and it may take time. It’s okay to take your time and work through your feelings before you can forgive. Remember, the goal is to find peace and move forward, and that’s a journey worth taking.

Todd Franzen

About the author

Todd Franzen is a 2X Hodgkins Lymphoma Survivor. Living in Breckenridge Colorado

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}